Research of Dr. Weis: On Ketchup

Greetings from Dr. Weis.

It has been time very long since Dr. Weis has imparted wisdom of research. Dr. Weis has spent many weeks conducting research for government. Like Chinese New Year at Christmas, so is research of Dr. Weis!

Government very interested in Dr. Weis research! Politicians ask Dr. Weis, "Have you completed your research?" Dr. Weis humbly and with eloquence answer, Research NEVER COMPLETE! Research, like fifty pounds of frozen meat thawing, take forever to complete. Politicians not familiar with finer points of research.

Dr. Weis note, have finished research on Ketchup! Many interesting points to mention.

First conclusion of research on ketchup: Ketchup does not make proper component of rocket fuel.
Second conclusion of research: 561.728730g of Ketchup can be disintegrated at power level of 5.61 on the disintegrator beam.
Third research conclusion: Ketchup is considered purest when red. All other colors are impure and inferior.
Last conclusion: More research required!

Dr, Weis is proud to display research concluded. More research certain to be done in future.

Dr. Weis impart last wisdom to readers. Like research, young worms live long in dirt, short on surface.