Franklin: I once had a hat.

Hai guys! It's Franklin again. I thought I'd give a big hello to you kind people all.

Some kind sir even visited from Australia I'm told. I once had a hat I got from Australia. My Great Uncle Francis sent it too me while he was on a business trip there for "Jim and Bob's Car Emporium". It was a nice hat, far too big for my eight year old head. So, I hid it away in the closet until such time as it would properly fit upon my anxious brow.

Years passed, and many incidents occurred that reshaped my life; the chicken noodle soup fiasco, the flag post attack, and the color yellow conspiracy. It was after I thought I had lost all hope that, in searching the closet for Mr. Snuggles, my happy time snuggly bear, I found my hat.

You see, I was twenty-one at that point. My head had grown much bigger at that point. My parents told me that my head was like a balloon, and I needed to make sure I didn't learn too much or it might explode! I chose my education carefully so that my hat would fit perfectly upon my head.

I was pleased to find that my careful planning was successful. The hat fit snuggly on my head as perfectly as possible. Well, it had been in the closet for a decade. The mothballs had long since wasted away, having been there since the time of my father's youth. The once proud hat now looked more like a strainer.

Undeterred from putting this excellent hat to good use, I decided to cook spaghetti. When I poured the hot boiling water into the hat to strain it, the last fragments broke apart and went down the drain along with all my noodles.

I went to the sewers to look for my hat. It was very dark, but I was guided by the friendly sewerhood rodents. They were so cute, nibbling at my pants. Eventually I found a crazy hermit who prophesied that I would have to travel into the depths of Macy's to find it. I was terrified. Macy's was a den of people and places, and perfume! The three fearful P's.

Despite my fear I dressed myself in urban camoflauge, a golf shirt, a plaid jacket and khaki shorts, and ventured a trip to the local mall. It was closed.

I never found my hat.

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