Today's Fortune: Accomplishments

Today's fortune cookie reads: "You are admired for your accomplishments."

And here I thought I was admired for the stuff I hadn't accomplished.

Today's Fortune: Pleasure

Today's fortune cookie reads: "Pleasure awaits your company."

This sounds less like a fortune and more like a bad advertisement for a gentleman's club.

eHarmony

This about sums up my experience this far with internet dating.

Still trying. Happy Valentine's Day.

Today's Fortune: Misunderstanding

Today's fortune cookie reads: "Avoid misunderstanding by keeping your ears open."

It's trying to be profound, but it ends up just coming across like a commercial for earwax removal.

Today's Fortune: Attention

Today's fortune cookie reads: "You are the center of attention."

I don't care unless I am the center of a lady's attention.