Rant: "pls"

I like grammar. My mother might contest that statement citing certain activities I abhored during homeschooling, but nevertheless I stand by it. I am not entirely comfortable with semi-colons and I certainly don't have absolutely perfect typing. I do, however, wish to be able to lay down punctuation with the best of them.

But this is the internet, and in the name of the expediency of such things as "instant messenging" not everything will receive due attention. That is alright, I have no qualm with abbreviating concepts and actions into one word that would otherwise have been a long sentence.

Such acronyms as "lol", "rofl", and "brb" are appropriate and understandable; each is born of an express need for haste. In any situation that is funny, it is both polite and friendly to give a near immediate indication that said joke/story/whatever was humorous. When one intends on leaving for a brief time, typing out the full "Be right back" serves only to delay one's return. That is why I condone and use these shortcuts.

To expand on that, multiple word acronyms that lack any inherent attributed alacrity are annoying. These are acronyms such as "u2", "oic" and "ru". That's a separate subject from what I'm attempting to cover today.

I am constantly finding myself amazed at the laziness of the internet. I can not, will not, ever endorse shortcutting a single word unless it conforms to the following:

1. It is as long as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
2. It is a confirmational/feedback word such as "Okay" that indicates one's presence or attention.


"u" - Seriously, the 'y' and the 'o' keys are right there. If you can be bothered to spell words like "halo", "r0x0rz" or "make up", you can be bothered to hit the other two keys that are no more than two spaces away from one another.
"ur" - See "u".
"y" - The 'w' and 'h' keys are far more reachable than the 'y', not to mention the 'h' is immediately below it.
"o" - The 'h' is immediately to the left of one of the more dexterous of fingers. Can't you take the minimal effort to add that one additional character?
"r" - The 'a' and 'e' characters are right there. If you reach for the 'r' with your pointer finger, your middle finger should come to rest right on the 'e' while your pinky remains on the 'a'. Your hand is naturally putting itself in a position to type this easily, why is it so hard just to press down with two fingers that are there anyway?
"pls/plz" - I really, really dislike this one. If you seriously can't be bothered to write out the entirity of the word "please", what reason do I have to help you? This is especially annoying when the favor being asked is long, tiresome and thankless. I can only think of one time I ever helped someone who said "plz" and that was because I could tell they were only 4 years old.
"thx" - No, it was nothing. Don't mention it, I mean it. I don't want to hear your half-hearted "thx" for my deeds. If you can't type out a full "thanks", you could at least use the more respectable "ty". "ty" is two words abbreviated, it makes sense.
"wat?" - 'h' is currently setting up a noose over being excluded like this. It's one of the 10 easiest keys to hit on the keyboard.
"b4" - Numbers do not belong in words. It's funny in 1337, but that's because the numbers are replacing the symbols for specific letters and not entire sections of the word itself. "Before" is a long word, but by the time I figure out you aren't playing IRC battleship you could have typed it three times.
"rite" - "rite" is a word. Its definition is very different from "right". Please do no use the one as an abbreviation of the other.
"ez" - I already know you can be bothered to type 'y'. The 'a' and 's' keys are already under your fingers, and the 'e' is sqrt(2) away from 's'. It's easy to type this word, probably moreso than reaching for the oft-neglected 'z' key.
"nvm" - Just, nevermind. I'm not going to bother saying anything more about this pure obfuscation.
"ppl" - There are only two additional keys to press to make this a full word, 'e' and 'o'. One is right near the otherwise idle left hand. The other is right next to the 'p' key you're already hitting twice. Are we really this lazy?

Maybe I'm an elitist, maybe I'm just a fast typer, maybe I really shouldn't take grammar on the internet so seriously. Whatever the case, needlessly shortening words that need not be shortened is going to knock you down a few notches in my book unless done in parody.


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