I have come to the conclusion there is nothing worth doing on this green earth if it can not be connected to someone else.

Example: If there was no one I knew personally to play video games with, or to later discuss them with, I wouldn't play them. There'd be no point. It wouldn't feel good to beat Legend of Zelda if there was no one to connect that with.

It isn't limited to diversions, this applies to everything. Work, driving, running, swimming, philosophy, theology, music, everything. If there is never a connection, someone that shares or understands whatever it is, there's a deep and consuming sense of futility that gnaws. A cavernous hunger that devours whatever it is and takes from it all semblence of joy and mirth.

I'm currently suffering from a lack of connections. It's probably largely due to the newness of being in Texas, but I'm rather isolated. I have relatives nearby, but they don't "connect" like my friends and siblings did. I love them all so, but they aren't and shouldn't be a replacement for friends and a significant other.

It really comes down to the fact that I'm currently remote and far away from everyone whom I "connect" with. My best friend's in Massachusetts, my brother will be in College in New York, my sister's in Maryland, and my best buddy in college who truly understood me better than anyone else present there (and as well as anyone else for that matter) is a civil servant in Pennsylvania. Even those who, despite not having a full and deep "connect", were important are far away. The isolation is a weight that is hard to bear.

Talking to God while commuting helps, as does this.

1 comment:

jocelyn said...


That is EXACTLY how I felt when I first moved to Maryland. You've captured the essence of it very well.

The thing to remember is that becoming rooted WILL HAPPEN, but it takes time (I wish someone had told me that), and that your connections are always in flux (something I'm constantly adjusting to).

So while I'm more at home now, every now and then I still feel that distance, especially when talking to you and Phil on the phone. You are the dudes that I connect more deeply with than my in-laws or even my friends in the area, so it's tough... because the deeper connections are more stretched and strained by distance.

I'll be at liturgy tonight, but I'll call you & Phil afterwards. I love you, bud.