The Indefinite Article

To begin this rant, I appreciate the new Doctor Who series. However, I have the same fundamental problem with it I have with the Star Wars Prequels. Those aren't bad movies, in fact they're good. This isn't a bad series and it is in fact good (incredible even compared to everything else on TV). However, good movies and series as they are, they aren't good Star Wars movies and this isn't a good Doctor Who series. Were it not for the lack of essence that made the originals excellent, these would be much more enjoyable. Anyway...

Through the expenditure of a fortune worth more than Bill Gates, the blackmail of several world leaders, and the torture of a retarded monkey with a gammy leg named Herman I was able to obtain for myself a bootleg copy of the second episode of the new Doctor Who series.

I'm not impressed.

Through discussion with my panel of Doctor Who experts, various conclusions were reached. We decided that a retarded monkey with a gammy leg named Herman could probably have done a better job than the Ninth Doctor during certain parts of the episode.

I'm not kidding.

Along with the same problems I listed in my last rant on this subject, more surface. While the episode is better than the previous I can't help but feel as though the series is not going to improve much this season. This is partly due to the fact that the Doctor is halted by a set of giant fan blades rotating at a speed similar to the velocity at which a college student gets up in the morning. To be specific, something on the order of a mile every few hours.

I'm not lying.

In the past, it was the Doctor's companions who stood gaping at the simplest of obstacles. They were the ones who simple mindedly adhered to a principle I call "Heroic Sacrifice Interrupt Principle". Sometimes a minor or major character does something that may/will kill them in order to save others or allow others to escape. Instead of understanding the situation and honoring the noble deed, idiotic characters have a tendency to argue with the person attempting the sacrifice which usually leads to someone dying, the enemy catching up and capturing them all, or any number of similarly bad things.

For the computer science inclined, the Java code looks something like this.

try
{
   if ((passageBlocked == true) && (leverUnblocks == true))
   {
      this.sacrifice(self);
   }
   else if (enemyChase == true)
   {
      this.sacrifice(self);
   }
   else if (situationDire == true)
   {
      this.sacrifice(self);
   }
   else
   {
      this.runAway(fast);
   }
}
catch(InterruptedException arguingFriend)
{
   this.wayToMiss(thePoint);
   this.action.atRandom.get(killed, captured, enslaved, brainwashed, tortured);
}

In any case, the Doctor has long been immune to this problem himself. He would be fully prepared to go onwards, were it not for one companion complaining about the other being left behind, or concerning some random episode specific other who was just handsome/pretty enough to attract them.

Not anymore.

The following reveals various important plot elements that might otherwise spoil a perfectly decent episode of a sci fi series. If you don't want a couple things so revealed, just take my word for the pathetic showing the Doctor gave and skip the next few paragraphs.

On a space station thingy, the shields are down and a nearby planet is about to explode. The nearby star is super heating things and without the shields the heat resistant glass is crumbling and threatening to fry people. The doctor and an episode specific character rush to where a switch to fix things exists. Across a small walkway blocked by three barely rotating blades the switch sits. The character, incidentally made of wood, holds down a switch on this side of things that slows the fans down even more. At this point a sloth with arthritis could cross no problem, not to mention that to begin with anyone could hang off the side of the walkway and simply avoid the fans that way.

Faced with this challenge of three "rotating" fans, the Doctor stops and takes a good minute or two in passing each one, spending most of each minute looking back at his wood friend who will shortly spontaneously combust if he doesn't get the shields up fast enough, not to mention the slew of other characters bumbling about elsewhere about to be friend alive. Seriously, there was nothing stopping him from just barreling through. The worst that could have happened was he could have been pushed gently off the side, which would have required him to take a step forwards and stop.

Unfortunately, he takes so long about it his wood friend bursts into flame and dies a horrible, horrible death. Various other characters are fried alive, and his own companion nearly suffers the same fate. Worst yet is there's still one fan blade left. Finally, it's actually moving fast enough to warrant danger. The Doctor's mental focus that allows him to pass this would have been impressive if he hadn't freaked out at a fan traveling at the speed of a dead snail. So he saves the day and all, but only after taking his sweet time and allowing the deaths of half the cast.

Good job Doc. (No more spoilers for the concerned)

That alone wasn't the problem with this episode. The Doctor abuses the sonic screwdriver like a Swiss army knife. Where he once might have actually messed with the circuitry by hand, he uses what has become the universal key to solving any problem. This is the exact reason why they got rid of it around the time of the Fifth.

Additionally is a problem with the Doctor himself. He's not the definite article. He lacks the authority the other Doctors had. Whenever any of the previous Doctors including the Eighth said, "I am the Doctor" there was a sense of importance. Whenever it was said it was clear that this title set him apart and above (at least in his mind) everyone else. The Ninth imparts no such importance.

I will continue watching the series, but I have lost faith in this seasons ability to be as excellent as the old. Good as this series is, it suffers as so many continuations of old classics from the expectations inherent to its title.